Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
