my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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