please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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