the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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