God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
