once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
