singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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