I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I didn't shave. On purpose
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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