And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
