I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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