I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
