I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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