If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
