brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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