Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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