Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
