We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
