Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
