I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
