Your face is a jimmy john
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
