I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
