using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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