So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My liver just had a heart attack.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
