I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
