it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
