My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
