I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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