so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize