i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
