Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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