I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Girls should come with a carfax report
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
