Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize