I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
