his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
