my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
