my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want her autograph on my taint
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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