i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize