Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
