Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
