we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
