Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
