I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
