apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
