My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
