so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize