I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
