My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
