that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
