He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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