He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
