That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
