It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
