Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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