Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
