I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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