...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
