god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
