i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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