i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
