I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
