yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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