i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
