Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
