you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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