whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
